letter to someone

i don't feel well but i forced myself to see you.. we just had a fight and u said u'll do ur best to make up.. u said u'll take care of me from now on..

even if youre the one who should be picking me up, i still insisted you to continue what you need to do.. i went there, hoping to spend time with you, especially with this should-have-been special day.. we waited for hours to get what you need done.. at the back of my mind, "ok, so ito ung bawi mo?".. but i still tried to be sweet and happy as you want me to be.. i went out coz i need to talk to someone over the net.. i didn't want to talk to the guard to let me in again, so i just waited for you outside.. while waiting, i saw the person i hate so much, ur x.. its the first time i saw her, i didn't know what to do.. but of course, she's the one who can't look at me straight, not after what she have done.. while looking at her, i wanted to slap her or to talk to her bitchly, but i wasn't able to.. something is forcing me not to do so..

after she passed by me, i felt so weak.. i felt the pain again.. its as if everything just happened yesterday.. i wanted to cry right then and then.. but i saw you.. i wiped my close-to-falling tears and smiled.. i told you i saw her, u didn't react.. i told you, "ui, wala kong ginawa", and you bluntly say, "wla ka naman tlga dapat gawin".. i kept quiet.. i was actually willing to forget everything until u said, "wla naman xang kasalanan sayo ha".. not even satisfied, u added "matagal na yun, ano ka ba naman"..

first of all, why does it sound like i'm the bad person here? in case u forgot, ako po ung nasaktan ng sobra, ako ung niloko.. and how dare u say na wla xang kasalanan?!.. anong tawag mo dun?.. yes, it happened months ago, so what? wla na kong karapatang masaktan?.. its so easy for you to tell me to forget about it because you're not the one who shed pails of tears.. you're not the one who forgot your pride and just accepted everything..

had i known that seeing her will make me feel all the hurt again, maybe i just chosed to stay at home and do thesis.. whats worse is, masakit na nga na nakita ko xa, pero mas masakit pa ung mga sinabi mo.. parang ok, tpos na, wla na kong karapatang maramdaman un at wla ka ng pakeelam khit nsaktan pa ko noon dhil tpos na nga un eh.. alam mo kung anong pinaramdam mo skin? na mas knampihan mo pa xa kesa skin.. haay..

ok, so ang ganda ng bawi mo at feel na feel ko ang pag-aalaga mo..